Archive for the 'espn.com' Category

22
May
08

Football, in the cold? Commence whining

Super BowlThere is one argument in professional football that draws more whines than any other.

It’s not the validity of preseason games, or even instant reply.

It’s the site of future Super Bowls.

Recently, the league announced that the 2012 version of the world’s biggest game will be played in Indianapolis.

This, apparently, made ESPN.com columnist Gene Wojciechowski very upset.

Apparently, Gene would prefer enjoying his complimentary Diet Coke and Chipotle inside a 72-degree climate controlled stadium in Arizona — rather than a 72-degree climate controlled stadium in Indiana.

Note: If you have to write a sidebar defending your completely uncontroversial column, it was probably a waste of space.

In between my involuntary vomiting over the fact that people get paid to write garbage like this, I pulled out the following one-liners and nuggets of wisdom for your enjoyment:

I don’t get it. Playing in a Super Bowl is supposed to be a reward, not a reason to visit your local North Face outlet. And attending a Super Bowl as a fan is supposed to be the experience of a lifetime, a chance to break out multiple bottles of SPF 30….The only things you’ll break out in Indy are space heaters.

–Aren’t the playoffs a “reward” for playing well in the regular season? Because they are frequently held outside. Also, raise your hand if you’ve been to a Super Bowl? Final tally: 0. Editor’s note: Space heaters are not allowed in Lucas Oil Stadium.

That’s another thing. The owners needed four secret votes to decide between Indianapolis, Houston and Glendale. Let’s see: In Houston and Glendale, there’s this orange orb called the sun. In Indianapolis, there’s this white orb called a snowball. What was there to decide?

–(silence)

Maybe the owners owed Colts owner Jim Irsay a favor. Maybe Irsay promised them a cameo in Peyton Manning‘s next cell phone commerical. Or maybe Mystery, Alaska, wasn’t available.

–Gene’s notes to self: Don’t forget, three derivatives of the word “own” minimum in this graph. Also, Peyton Manning doing lots of commercials = funny. Lastly, reference funny Netflix movie everyone else saw (and forgot) 10 years ago.

I guess we just don’t see the Super Bowl in the way Gene does (most likely because we don’t walk around gathering free goodies at Media Day). You simpletons don’t see the experience of a lifetime, free of corporate sponsors stealing your seats or endless pageantry (see photo above).

I’ll put it this way for all of our 13-year-old female readers: This column is the girl on “My Super Sweet Sixteen” lobbying daddy for the Range Rover instead of that peasantly Beemer.

But daddy, I want my Super Bowl in Glendallllle.

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30
Aug
07

Hypocrisy is hilarious!

God, not more VickSwear to God, this is the last Vick picture that will be posted on this site for at least a week.

We aren’t even going to get back into the mess that is this situation (we even had the head of an animal rights organization leave a statement in the comments section — we smell copy/paste, copy/paste after Googling “Vick” in the blogs).

However, this was noteworthy from yesterday but didn’t make it in before the dinner bell rang.

ESPN’s Page 2 (I’m nothing like my stuck-up older brother, swear!) has decided to mock the ridiculousness of media coverage surrounding Vick.

Really Page 2?

Because for the last week, you couldn’t turn on the Worldwide Leader without seeing a press conference, an Outside the Lines, a Cold Pizza, or a Sportscenter in which Vick was the lead topic.

It was, Quite Frankly, embarrassing.

We know you’re supposed to be funny and all that jazz (the only writer we really enjoy is Klosterman), but we still know who signs your paychecks.

15
Aug
07

Casey Martin doesn’t know whether or not to book a tee time

Tiger and his carAround here, we don’t really understand the disdain for Tiger Woods (posing here with his actual car for the family album).

And on top of all his dominance, Tiger is expanding into the golf course design field.

Exciting stuff.

Problem is, we can’t tell which story about his new course is true.

Just because of habit (a habit we are desperately trying to break), we first went to espn.com (ESPN is one of the only networks to which Mr. Woods grants interviews).

All the basic press conference recap was there — course is going to be in North Carolina. Tiger is really, super, extremely pumped about it. Blah blah blah.

But what kind of caught our eye was the fact that Tiger said the course would be walking only — no carts. Espn.com’s story cleared this up:

Woods and The Cliffs owner Jim Anthony said they wanted High Carolina to be a walking-only course during the news conference. Afterward, Woods clarified they’ll “strongly encourage” golfers to walk but won’t require it.

OK, fair enough. I thought the no-carts thing wasn’t very PR-ish for a first press conference. On to si.com:

The Cliffs at High Carolina will be located near Asheville, N.C., and will allow only walkers, something Woods said was key to the deal.

What? Someone be trippin’.

So, we looked around some more. Forbes agrees with ESPN, walking will only be “strongly encouraged.” Bloomberg says it’s walking only.

Strangely, all of these stories are written essentially the same, same quotes, same sentences, same analogies. Just this one line is different in each. Someone’s wrong and we want to know who it is. Could it be that ESPN got a scoop that’s actually true?

03
Aug
07

that’s gonna leave a mark

Don’t usually post the “videos” around here, but this was pretty, well, EXTREME!

Luckily, this dude (Jake Brown) was alright. Although, if you watch really closely, his shoes fly off his feet when he hits the ground.

And you wonder why I never tried skateboarding.

01
Aug
07

Keeping it really real, for real

PacmanSo I’ve read this column about three times now, and I’ve wanted to write a post about it for a couple of days.

It’s by Page 2’s LZ Granderson and it deals with — you guessed it — the current NFL conduct scandals.

The premise of the piece is that people like Pacman Jones (left) and Mike Vick, who come from underprivileged areas, feel more of a responsibility to pull their friends out of the slums.

Granderson bases his theory on first-hand experience gained growing up in not-so-nice Detroit.

I’ve read it over and over because I can’t decide if it’s a valid argument. Are Pacman and Vick really feeling more of an obligation to pull their friends out than anyone else?

I’m not from a poor community by any means, but I have had friends who made bad decisions and probably aren’t where they imagined they would be at this point in life. But doesn’t everyone?

And, even if I was extremely wealthy and felt obligated to pull my friends out of trouble, would I really let myself sink back into the behavior that I tried so hard to escape? Honestly, I guess it’s an impossible question for anyone (me) who hasn’t come from that situation to answer.

But I do think for Vick to say, “I set up this dog fighting club out on my private land to get my friends out of the ghetto,” is a lame excuse.

Granderson closes with:

Either way, it’s hard being the one in the ocean with the life jacket while your friends are drowning all around you. . . .Especially when you know you started off on the same sinking boat not too long ago.

But if these guys tried so hard to escape their old lives, and feel such an obligation to pull their friends out, why do they always seem to end the same trouble-inducing situations? Who exactly is that helping?

19
Jul
07

Blogged down

Tiger at the BritishObviously, I’ve got no problem with blogs.

Here at the Cut, blogs are held in the highest regard.

However, it’s really frustrating when members of the mainstream media attempt to start blogs just for the sake of doing it.

The meetings that lead to these debacles are hilarious I’m sure, with talking heads pounding fists and yelling for an idea that’s “now” that the “kids will dig.”

Jason Sobel’s golf blog on espn.com is a perfect example of this abuse. Now Sobel’s a really good writer, so all of the blame can’t fall on him. But according to his posts, he updates his British Open blog about every 45 seconds, which is fairly ridiculous.

And when you start updating your forced blog that often, you get posts like this:

1:21 p.m.: I said we’d have more on the Celsius thermometer, and you can now stop holding your breath. In a piece on why Americans keep winning the Open, I alluded to the fact that one major obstacle U.S. players (not to mention fans and reporters) have to overcome is trying to convert the temperature from Celsius to Fahrenheit just to figure out how damn cold it is around here. Well, reader Andrew in New Hampshire checked in with this, uh, sort-of-easy formula:…

So the “Celsius” theme dies out eventually and then we start in on the food:

As for the other food being served here, well, let’s just say I’d pay about 5 pounds for one of those Augusta National pimento cheese sandwiches right about now. The food is — how can I put this delicately? — awful. Just horrible, really. Sorry, don’t mean to offend any Brits, but tomatoes, baked beans and mushrooms just aren’t my idea of a good breakfast.

Jason, sorry, over here, yea, could we maybe have some information on what’s happening in the British Open? Maybe who’s leading, what the course is like?

Yes, the world’s best players are here this week. But there are also a whole bunch you’ve probably never heard of — some of which have interesting names, if nothing else. A few of my favorites: Desvonde Botes, Achi Sato, Ben Bunny, Tomohiro Kondo and David Shacklady.

Thanks.

So obviously there isn’t enough to write about from Carnoustie, so let’s just take it down a few notches, k Jase?