Once in awhile, BabyJ and I like to put on the Rubber Soul, have a few adult beverages, and flip through our archives.
On our most recent journey, we found this amazing post in which Tooch correctly predicted the NBA Playoffs back in 1993.
What’s up, dudes?
My name is Tooch and I’m a contributor here to the newest development in computer technology, The FynalCut.
I was just hanging out in my pad the other day, blastin’ some Spin Doctors and sippin’ on some Crystal Pepsi when BabyJ and FynalCut dropped me a line to ask if I would preview this year’s NBA Playoffs for you 25 people with PCs.
I was totally floored. Since mostly I just sit around and play “NBA Jam: Arcade Edition” right now, I thought it was only fitting and statistically accurate way to preview this year’s playoffs.
For starters, here’s a quick rundown of what teams to look out for in this year’s race. Coming out of the Western Conference, you’ve got the No. 1 seed Phoenix Suns, with Charles Barkley and Dan Majerle.
The Suns will face off against the No. 8 seed Lakers in the first round and the tandem of James Worthy and Vlade Divac. Phoenix should easily cruise through the Western Conference and are my lock for this year’s Finals. A few other teams to keep an eye out for in the West though will be the Spurs (Sean Elliot and David Robinson), the Rockets (Hakeem Olajuwon and Vernon Maxwell) and the surprising Seattle Supersonics, featuring Shawn Kemp and Benoit Benjamin. The Spurs and Rockets should provide the lone competition for the Suns, while the Gary Payton-less Sonics will falter in the end.
Jumping over to the East now, let’s start with the obvious front-runner, the Chicago Bulls. The Bulls, much like the Suns, will be completely untested throughout the playoffs and coast to the NBA Finals. Their lone hint of competition will come from the No. 1 seed New York Knicks and the dynamic duo of Patrick Ewing and Charles Oakley. Also making some noise in the East will be the Cleveland Cavs (Brad Daugherty – is it just me, or does this guy look like a NASCAR announcer – and Mark Price) and the Charlotte Hornets (Kendall Gill and Larry Johnson).
In the end, I smell a repeat this year…no wait, a three-peat (I should put that on t-shirts or something). The Bulls are going all the way, baby – and there’s no way that anybody can stop this year’s league MVP. This man can fly through the air, grab a rebound and bound to the other end of the court for the most excellent helicopter dunk you’ll ever see…without even touching the ground. That’s right; Horace Grant is truly a force to be reckoned with.
You’ve seen “Jurassic Park” by now, right? I mean, well – shaa – of course you have. Who hasn’t? Think of Horace as that radical little spitting dinosaur that sneaks up on the fat guy and nails him in the face. That’s what Horace can do to you man, no joke. And he won’t lend you his goggles to prevent that shit from blinding you either.
(Hopefully, you’ve realized a couple things by now. The FynalCut, let alone the Internet, was not around in 1993. Tooch was just a young, mustached baby. And Larry Johnson could BOOMSHAKALAKA all day long. Anyway, stay tuned for tomorrow, we drop the preview of this year’s NBA Playoffs.)