OK, so I’m a little obsessed with the upcoming major league baseball season.
As a Tigers fan, I’ve been scouring the team’s Web site daily, looking for any hints as to the lineup. And besides that, steroids were sooo 2007.
But today, while reading Jason Beck’s always entertaining “Tiger’s Mailbag,” I couldn’t help but notice a little whining, a little negativity and a little sarcasm hiding in the text. (Note: Some people might be offended or put off by this, but I found it hilarious)
Jesus H. Christ folks, in my mind, we’re already in the World Series! Enough with the pre-season nay saying.
It gets started on the first question:
Does anyone foresee a timing problem with new shortstop Edgar Renteria and Placido Polanco? Polanco obviously is one of the better second baseman in the game, but he has gotten used to Carlos Guillen’s tendencies and vice versa. Will this just be a growing pain of training camp?
— Todd, Southgate, Mich.
Well, apparently Todd, YOU forsee a timing problem. Thanks for the jinx though. Next!
I cannot bear it anymore! I’m sick. I need to know what the mock lineup is. Is Miguel Cabrera going to hit third or fourth? Will Gary Sheffield hit fifth? Please help me before I go crazy. Thank you.
— Felix G., Adrian, Mich.
Now, this is an understandable question, many fans are wondering what the lineup will be. However, Jason Beck is determined to knock these “mailbaggers” down a peg or two:
Cabrera is expected to hit either third or fifth, with Sheffield taking the other spot, but that probably won’t be set until well into Spring Training. Until then, you might want to consider a hobby or something to pass the time.
Yea, get out of your mom’s basement and get a hobby Felix G., you f-ing loser.
And Jason isn’t the only one taking verbal shots, the general public also gets its punches in. We skip to the bottom to get to the fan-on-fan action. And…go!
Jason, I love reading your mailbags. It puzzles me, however, that trivial questions like players’ uniform numbers or Spring Training reporting dates take up space in the column, when this information clearly is listed within the Tigers Web site. If they can’t find that information, they’re likely not going to be able to find their way back to the mailbag! Keep up the good work.
— Michael C., Flint, Mich.
Finally, a good question. Well, wait, there wasn’t a question in there. No matter, Michael C., of Flint, Mich., knows you are all worthless peasants! Stop bringing your “questions” to this here mailbag! What were you thinking?!
God, I feel like I’m in Pittsburgh with all this inter-team fighting.
At least there were no text messages from Kwame Kilpatrick.