I guarantee that a ‘guarantee’ guarantees coverage

NantzSunday’s football game — you know, the only one played that day — gave us another one of those fantastic moments in sports announcing where the commentators get so worked up in a tirade that they’re unable to stop and realize how hypocritical/ignorant/hilarious/infuriating they’re actually sounding.

This one came from the finely jowled man to my left: Jim Nantz.

Late in the second half (among many, many other times), Nantz got going on Steeler’s safety Anthony Smith who, in case you didn’t know, had guaranteed victory over the Patriots earlier in the week. Here is a link to the more than 750 news articles involving the words “anthony smith” and “guarantee” — proof that a second year player did, in fact, shock the world with his unbelievable brass.

Nantz was outraged over the entire concept of player guarantees. He called them cliche, stupid, pointless, and he got particularly worked up when talking about Smith’s teammates who defended the safety by saying, “at least it got him all over ESPN.” Boy howdy did that get Nantz hotter than a Texas tea kettle. So hot that he spent the next few minutes of air time bantering about how dumb it is for people to say things just for the attention, and how stupid it makes the PLAYERS look when they say these things and get them plastered all over every major news outlet and into the all-important broadcast time of an NFL football game.

Whoa. Wait. Tell me once again who is making the mistake here, Jim? The player for running his mouth (cuz that’s never happened before) or people like ESPN and, um, YOU, who spend countless minutes and hours dribbling on and on about how asinine the player is for making a guarantee. Please tell me we’re all catching the flawed logic here.

This all falls back to one of my biggest gripes about journalists, and more often, T.V. journalists. The lightning-quick ability to point the finger, and the child-like stubbornness to point it back at themselves. It’s as if news people somehow forget their own involvement with the news. They’re so inhumanly programed to get riled up over the same old stories, that they fail to acknowledge the vast amount of control they have over the situation.

So Jim, want to know the best way to cut all the ridiculous guarantee crap? Sound off to your writers and producers — not the rest of the country. We already agree with you.


5 Responses to “I guarantee that a ‘guarantee’ guarantees coverage”

  1. December 12, 2007 at 12:01 am

    This is why we get so many stupid quotes/stories from Football players. is Antoine Smith really that bad? would anyone have rather he said “we just want to take it one game at a time” or “any given sunday” nonsense? I say any player that doesn’t guarantee a victory from now on is a Biatch. I want football players saying even more ridiculous things. More celebrations, more threatening to hurt people (except Lions players, they have their own problems already). This story is why I’m so conflicted about Sports Journalism. in cordell’s world of Sports this would happen so often, that journalists could actually focus on real stories. O and by the way NBC has wayyyyy to many analysts on their Sunday Night Football Broadcast. there are literally like 9 people on the halftime show.

  2. 2 BabyJ
    December 12, 2007 at 12:41 am

    Your theory may very well apply to steroids, as well. Let the market work itself out. People will keep dancing after touchdowns, keep saying things they shouldn’t before and after games, and keep finding ways around the system to get that “competitive edge.” I don’t disagree with a philosophy of over saturating the market to the point where things naturally level out on their own. Media would never chill out long enough to let it happen though. Cuz if we had a league full of juiced up Chad Johnsons that pulled out Janet Jackson’s titty after every score, NBC would just have a senate-sized halftime council to sufficiently break it all down for us.

  3. 3 Cordell
    December 13, 2007 at 8:39 am

    Actually it does apply to steroids. I wish every athlete in baseball was on it. It might make an otherwise boring sport watchable. Plus are steroids really that bad if everyone is doing it? Probably, but who cares. We pay this men million to hit a ball, we should be the ones offering up the steroiids.

  4. 4 Cordell
    December 13, 2007 at 8:43 am

    in all seriousness, football is just better when the players are having fun. Football in general is better when you are having fun. And honestly, the life span of a football player is like 40. Then, unless your name is Vinny Testerverde, you die. Let them talk their trash

  5. February 3, 2008 at 6:43 pm

    The Steelers are not typically prone to mouthing off before games

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